I used to dread this time of year. 

Not because it would get so blisteringly hot that I’d break a sweat inside my own house. Not because the kids have already done every possible activity during the summer and would start whining about how bored they were. Not because Target couldn’t figure out if it was ‘Back to school time,’ ‘Halloween,’ or pre-Christmas or all of them at once.

I dreaded this time of year because it was time for my annual performance review. 

No matter what positive feedback was included, I only heard the negative. And when I heard it, my inner critic heard, “You’re not good enough. You’re not even good.” 

I was afraid of how my inner critic would twist the meaning behind the feedback to make me feel like an under-performer, like a failure. And when I felt like these, I was embarrassed.

Turns out, I wasn’t alone. In 2016, TechSavvy Global found that fear is the number one single biggest barrier to growth, productivity, and success in the workplace. And a large majority of business leaders were experiencing fear regularly. The top three fears? Failure. Embarrassment. Underperformance.

Luckily, I had someone who helped me change my view on feedback. I came to realize that feedback is a gift – one of the best gifts you can receive. Typically, when someone gives you feedback it’s because they want to help you get better. It’s because they want to help you see something about yourself that you may not be aware of. It’s because they care about you. Most everyone I know likes to feel like people care about them.

And I came to realize that getting feedback doesn’t mean I’m a failure. Just because someone gives me feedback, that doesn’t mean I’m not good. In fact, the feedback is there to help me get from good to great, from great to excellent, from excellent to stellar. 

Now, I crave feedback. I’m excited and grateful when I get it.

Earlier this week I sent out a request for feedback on some content I’m developing. I sent it to a few groups totaling well over 5,000 people (mostly strangers). I wasn’t scared to make the request. In fact, I was excited to send it out. And I was grateful for the feedback I started receiving. With each new piece of criticism or feedback that came in, I thought, “YES! Great point. That will help my content go from good to great.”

Want to hear something really scary?

I’ve met with over three clients in the past month alone who’ve shared that, not only do they not have specific personal objectives that they have to meet, but they also have no feedback sessions regularly scheduled with anyone they report to – not even once a year. I see this commonly in small businesses and non-profits. In those environments, it seems like everyone’s too busy working IN their business while not spending enough time working ON their business (to borrow from Michael Gerber). The problem is that someone may not be meeting expectations for too long without even knowing it until they’re surprisingly placed on a performance action plan or they’re simply fired. Who’s to blame for letting it get to this point? Sadly, both sides.

If you’re not getting regular feedback, it’s on you to ask for it.

If you’re a team leader, set up regularly scheduled feedback sessions with your supervisor and your team. You’ll want feedback from those you report to and those you lead.

If you’re an executive director, a pastor or a small business owner, set up regularly scheduled feedback sessions with your board and your staff.

If you’re a solopreneur, find a group to be your informal “advisory board” or at least a friend who can be your accountability partner. Set up regularly scheduled feedback sessions with them.

If you’re in a partnership, set up regularly scheduled feedback sessions with you and your partner.

This week, schedule time on your calendar with those who you need feedback from the most. Let them know the purpose of the meeting so they can prepare. Tell them you’d like to know:

• What are the top three areas where you’re doing well?
• What are the top three areas where you can improve?

Then at the end of the meeting, once they’ve shared their feedback with you, simply say, “Thank you.”