I celebrated a birthday this week — 44. And I’m super-excited about it. Maybe it’s because it’s a palindrome birthday. Maybe it’s because I recognize that I still look and act younger than my age 😉. Or maybe it’s because I’m grateful to have been alive for another year. (It’s totally the palindrome thing.)

I’ve loved my past few birthdays. I love reflecting back on all that’s happened over the previous years: accomplishments, events, relationships gained and rekindled.

But that wasn’t always the case for me. In fact, throughout most of my 30s, birthdays depressed me.

It was around my birthdays where I realized I wasn’t accomplishing what I “should” by that age:

“I should have done more by now. I should have a larger house and more ‘things’ by now. I should be more ‘successful’ now.” 

And, most of the time, these thoughts and feelings would be based on comparison, not necessarily my own plans and dreams.

I know I wasn’t alone in having these thoughts and feelings. In fact, the 2019 World Happiness Report shows the percentage of Americans who admit to being “not too happy” has increased by more than 50% since 1990. Looking at more recent years, the report states, “Even as the United States economy improved after the end of the Great Recession in 2009, happiness among adults did not rebound to the higher levels of the 1990s, continuing a slow decline ongoing since at least 2000.”

One of the top causes of unhappiness is envy, or comparison. (You think there’s a reason why God warns us of this in the 10 Commandments?) When we get caught up in envying others’ steps on their paths, we start to diminish our own strengths, our own accomplishments, our own paths. At that point, we’re much less effective in achieving what we’re specifically called to achieve.

Today, things are a bit different, but I still have to work at it. Here are some habits I practice to stay content and excited about where I am:

1. I look back to get excited about moving forward.
Something fun that my wife and I do is recall times when things didn’t go my way. We point out that, had those things happened, I wouldn’t be in the position where I am today. If we had moved to Nashville when we first wanted to, I would’ve missed out on some of my biggest and most fulfilling achievements at FedEx. If I had gotten certain jobs I thought I wanted, I would likely not be leading my own exciting venture today. Looking back and seeing the frustrations and “losses” that led me to where I am today makes me super-excited about where I’m going next.

2. I celebrate others’ successes.

Just because someone else succeeds doesn’t mean that I fail. In fact, it usually inspires me to refine my own approach in order to achieve my own goals. If I react with an abundance mindset instead of a scarcity mindset then I’m more able to see opportunities when they DO come my way. Success attracts more success. I’ve found that when I celebrate others’ successes I want to hang around them more often. We build off of each other, and then some successful milestone is usually right around the corner for me.

3. I practice gratitude.

Instead of comparing myself to others and focusing on what I DON’T have, I express gratitude for the accomplishments, gifts and strengths that I DO have. I find that I’m more grateful when I accomplish the things that I’ve set out to do versus trying to be somebody else. When I focus on what I don’t have I tend to get down (but not the funky kind of getting down). When I get down I’m extremely unproductive. When I regularly practice gratitude it’s hard to find things to bring me down. And when I’m not down I experience much higher productivity.

4. I focus on my WHY.
I love this quote from Gail Hyatt: “People lose their way when they lose their why.” Currently, my WHY includes teaching leaders how to provide simpler experiences to their customers and teams. If I spend time focusing on what others are doing I get distracted. And if I’m distracted I can’t be effective in my WHY.

5. I recognize my path as my own.
We’re all chasing a dream. Sadly, too many of us are chasing someone else’s dream. To be truly successful you MUST chart and follow your OWN dream. Chasing after someone else’s goals will only cause you misery. You know nothing about others’ motivations and internal desires. Your motivations and desires may be completely different. You must have your own reasons for defining and achieving your goals or you’ll never be satisfied when you achieve them.

On my birthdays one of my friends always sends a note that includes Jeremiah 29:11 –

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

So the next time you start thinking you should have accomplished more by now, just remember that there’s a plan laid out specifically for YOU.

And just in case you’re thinking that it’s too late in life for you to start on your big dream path here are some reminders of uber-successful people who didn’t start on their big journey until after turning (almost) 40 or later:

Stan Lee? He created the first Marvel superheroes — The Fantastic Four — at 39. 

Michael Fitzpatrick, founder and lead singer of Fitz and the Tantrums? He, and his band, released their first full-length album when he was 40. (That’s almost unheard of in pop music!)

Vera Wang? She started her fashion career at 40.

Alan Rickman? He landed his first film role as Hans Gruber in Die Hard at 41. (Die Hard IS A CHRISTMAS MOVIE! Fight me on that!)

Martha Stewart? She published her first book, Entertaining, at 41.

Samuel L. Jackson? He only had small bit parts in movies until his breakout role in Jungle Fever at 43.

Rodney Dangerfield? He didn’t get “no respect at all” in his comedy career until a TV appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show at 46.

Julia Child? She wrote her first cookbook (which helped launch her celebrity chef career) at 50.

Ray Kroc? He opened the first McDonald’s franchise at 52.

Laura Ingalls Wilder? She published her first “Little House” book at 65.

Colonel Sanders? He started the first Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise at 62. (If it weren’t for him, I don’t know if my fried chicken crush would be as strong as it is today).

Celebrated folk painter, Grandma Moses? She started painting at 78.

Remember, these are just some of the big-time household names. I’m sure we all know people who are making major impacts in their communities, and the world, who didn’t start that path until later in life.

Request: Someone needs to hear this message today. If it’s not you, then congrats! But you likely have an idea of some people who need to hear it. I’d be forever grateful (and I expect they would too) if you’d share this message with them.

P.S. Lest you think I’m a Zen master of contentment, I admit that I still struggle with it from time to time. But I’m happily at a point where I don’t struggle for long when it does happen, and I’m able to move forward pretty quickly.